A common misconception within the community is that BDSM is, and can only be done with a partner. I don't necessarily disagree with that sentiment, granted there is room for that partner to be oneself.
I generally navigate my life with the understanding that, although I am a relationship anarchist, and all relationships are equally of value to me, I must , keep my relationship to Self at pole position in order to move more healthily through my other connections, bot
h within and without kink.
I coach people at varying stages of their D/s journeys, and emphasize the importance of affirming self value individually, and not solely based on the importance of the role we play in other's lives.
I sometimes value myse
lf by how spoiled I am at any given moment. Spoiled in service, in time, in luxury, in love. If any area of my life isn't fully catered to, I can often feel sorry for myself until I check that attitude, at which point I am instantly set into action to mend the condition.
Often what needs to be mended is my attitude. In times like these, when my ladies and gentlemen in waiting are
not available to dote on my every need, I find humility in maintaining my own schedule. I remember the joy of oiling my own body. My tea is actually how I like it every single time. The way I like my pillows stacked on my bed, done.
A Dominant without a submissive in service, or at all, is still a Dominant. A Master of Self is always in pursuit of harmony within, independently of who is watching them.
Having service weekly on kinky date nights as opposed to 247 allows me to find gratitude again for things that I had taken for granted asa given in the landscape I have manifested for myself. I also am getting my protocols updated and refreshed in my mind to train new service types into the House of Rae. Scheduled service allows both parties to reconnect to gratitude. A submissive desires to serve and be of use.
As such, my submissive is going through the mental changes of living solo as well. She doesn't have me to stop her from eating all the cookies, though she knows there will be consequences if she does not stop herself. She now has to work harder to provide proof of her position training, meditations, and daily check ins. She, and other submissives who find themselves living apart
from their Dominant, are uncollared or unowned, may find harmony in setting and maintaining schedules and rules for themselves, taking workshops, studying skills that add value to their submission, and otherwise living a life of discipline, service, and kinky fun, with themselves, of course.
When a Dominant and submissive who are both balanced and disciplined (re)connect, there's so much more room for healthy D/s to happen.
XO Divine Rae